I’m slacking up a little this week. I guess I’m blaming my husband’s 3-day weekend getting me off kilter. I didn’t exercise all weekend; but I did do a video on Monday. Then I didn’t do one yesterday and haven’t done one today (but there’s still time). I pigged out on Sunday (see my daily diet), but have been keeping it in line since then. Yesterday I went over 1300 calories (but still under 1800, so that’s the bright side), and today I’ve eaten less for breakfast and lunch, to save calories for supper. I’m a little hungry but not too bad. I need to exercise, though. I just get in a rut, though, you know? I like to do things at a specific time, and if I get off schedule, then I don’t go back and do what I missed. Now I feel like sitting at the computer and checking email, surfing the net and looking at blogs. But I ought to exercise. (Actually, I ought to clean my kitchen and go through all the mail that I’ve put aside until later.) So I guess I’ll do that–one or the other. I’m going to get off the computer very soon.

I must have “body dysmorphic disorder”–you know, when you see yourself differently from how you actually are. I’m just kidding of course. I don’t like the terminology of mental illness–it seems so defeatest–”the devil made me do it” and “I can’t help it”-ism.

The truth is, I don’t appear to myself the way I really am–and I doubt that most people really have an honest self-image of themselves. For most people diagnosed with this “disorder” they feel fat or think they look fat when they really are quite thin. Some people think their hips are too big; and no matter how much weight they lose, their hips are still out-of-proportion (in their mental view of beauty) to their body size. I’m the other way–I’m bigger than I feel. Weighing myself and taking my measurements was a real eye-opener to what I really must look like–you know, when I’m not dressed up and looking at myself in the mirror, sucking in my tummy, etc. If I saw someone of my height, weight, and body measurements walking down the street or on TV, I’d probably say to myself, “Boy, she needs to lose weight!” But I can look at myself in the mirror and think, “Yeah, I need to shed a few pounds.” And then eat three pieces of pizza for lunch. And not exercise.

I can read statistics of how people who are overweight have a much higher tendency to various illness in life, like heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, and cancer; and I can think, “Yeah, those people need to lose weight, start exercising, and watch what they eat, or they’re headed for trouble!” But “those people” includes me. I am overweight; I am at risk of developing diabetes.

The problem is, I feel healthy. I’m rarely sick; I don’t have high blood pressure; I don’t like to work out but I can. I look in the mirror and I know I’m overweight, but it’s easy to minimize how badly overweight I am. The numbers don’t lie, though. And my numbers show that I’m at an increased risk of all sorts of health problems in the future. When people are put in a higher-risk category on things like life insurance or health insurance because of their weight–because studies show that people at that weight, BMI, or whatever is the “yardstick” are more likely to get sick and die–it’s easy to say that they need to lose weight, and they need to exercise, and they need to bring their bad numbers down and their good numbers up. It’s easy to say that they have problems and they need to get a handle on things. But it’s not them. It’s me.

The sharper the cheddar cheese, the more flavor it has, even though it has the same number of calories and fat per ounce. So, you can use less of extra-sharp cheese for the same amount of flavor and cut your calories and fat! (Plus, you get a better value for your money, since it probably all costs the same.)

What does budgeting have to do with dieting? For me, everything!

This past week, I’ve been counting my calories, and not only have I not struggled with reducing my calorie intake, last night I actually ate an evening snack when I wasn’t truly hungry just to increase my total caloric intake for the day. According to a calorie counter, I typically took in 2300 calories per day, so I was aiming for 1800 or less, so that I could lose about a pound per week. If I could get down to 1300 calories per day (which seemed so far-fetched), then I’d lose about two pounds per week. Well, just by counting my calories and thinking what I was eating, I have eaten about 1300 calories per day, plus I’ve exercised more than typical (one video per day), and have lost about 3 pounds this week!

There’s something about stopping before eating and really thinking, “I have only 1300 calories every day to eat, so if I eat these cookies that are 300 calories, that just leaves me 1000 calories for everything else–breakfast, lunch, dinner, and any other snack.” For me, that’s just not worth it! Before, I wouldn’t have thought twice–it looked good, it smelled good, or I knew it tasted good and wanted to try it again, and I would have just eaten it.

It’s like trying to live within your income–if after you pay all of your necessary expenses (food, shelter, utilities, transportation) and other bills, you have $100 per month to live on, should you really buy a Nintendo Wii for $500, just because you want it? If you don’t have the money, you’ll have to put it on the credit card and pay for it later. That’s like what I’ve done with my weight–I didn’t have the calories in my diet but I ate it anyway, and I gained weight. I’m paying for it now. Now I have to live on fewer calories, because I’m working off my “debt”–my weight. And just as with money, you can either make more or spend less (or both), so with your weight–you can eat less or exercise more (or both). But change will not come just by wishing for it.

I weighed myself–in the middle of the day, too!–and discovered that I’ve lost another pound since Monday (or was it Tuesday?). Anyway, it’s actually been really easy–that’s the weirdest part. Making myself write down what I eat, and how many calories it is, has kept me from eating mindlessly, which has kept my calorie intake down. Today I was below 1300, and it wasn’t even that difficult! Sure I get hungry sometimes, but I got hungry before and would eat and be hungry pretty quickly afterwards (probably mostly habit). So according to my calorie counters, I must have eaten about 2300 calories per day to attain/maintain my current weight. This week, I decided to keep it about 1800, or less if I could, so I could lose about a pound per week. Well, without any real difficulty, I’m keeping it about 1300 (which means two pounds per week), plus I’m exercising at least every day–and sometimes two videos per day. I’m so excited!! I’ve still got a long way to go, but writing it down like this makes it seem not just possible but doable. I guess I’m a math nerd–I can wrap my brain around these numbers, while somebody else might just have to “feel” it. I need to have this concrete kind of thing, though–it keeps me honest.

Yesterday (Jan 16), I went into the torture chamber, as far as trying to keep on a diet is concerned–I went to my mom’s. Not only is she an excellent cook, but she likes to bake all sorts of sweets, and *always* has something on hand. Usually when I’m there, I eat without thinking–if it looks good, I’ll eat it; or if I think about it, I’ll eat it; or if I happen to be going through the freezer and see a bag of cookies or candies, I’ll eat one or two–you get the picture. But I didn’t eat any sweets while I was there!!! Triumph! I did eat too much for lunch, but ended up not going over my calories because I had a low-cal breakfast and wasn’t hungry for much supper (which is, like, a first for me). All in all, I’m feeling pretty good.

I wasn’t hungry when I fixed my kids something to eat for supper, so just made them PB&Js, and *boy* did I want to eat some peanut butter! But I wasn’t hungry, so I didn’t eat any. Another triumph! (I did eat what spilled out over the sides when I broke it into pieces–but I *had* to, to keep my kids from making a big mess.)

I didn’t do a full video, but did most of my Daisy Fuentes aerobics video before my husband came home, when I stopped. So all in all, it was a pretty good day.

Considering how much worse it could have been–how bad it usually is!–I’m quite pleased. I took food to eat at my mom’s, but then she was making her fresh home-made buns and had hamburger meat she needed to use, so we had grilled hamburgers–absolutely delicious. I made mine smaller than I normally would, but didn’t skimp on the cheese or ketchup. My sister was there and she fried chicken strips and french fries. I steadfastly resisted the urge to eat them, and ate my bean dip instead. Then I ate my hamburger when it was done. Then, sad to say, I did have a few french fries and a piece of chicken. The french fries were mostly off of my younger son’s plate–he was grumpy and wouldn’t eat, and I didn’t want to waste them; but the chicken was all my own doing. When I got home and figured out how many calories I had eaten, I was shocked to discover it was nearly 1,000! How was that possible?! Yet, thinking that normally I would have had another bun or two (with butter and/or cheese–and the buns are about 120 calories apiece, plus whatever butter or cheese would have been), plus at least one cookie and probably more sweets I normally would consume, and a larger hamburger, and at least another chicken strip and probably a full side of fries, I probably ate about half the calories I normally would have eaten there! And if I hadn’t been watching my calories, I probably would have had a much more caloric breakfast, and eaten a full supper regardless of my actual hunger.

As I said before, Triumph!

These past few days, I’ve found a couple of different calorie counters that determined that at my height, weight, and activity level, I must be consuming approximately 2300 calories per day to maintain my weight. That’s what I needed to know, but I sure didn’t like hearing it! So, I’ve decided to count my calories and try to lose about a pound per week, which means I need to cut about 500 calories per day. The funny thing is that I’m down about 1000 calories per day, and I’m not sure where it came from! How did that happen? Sure I get hungry sometimes, but usually I’ll just drink a glass of water or eat an apple or something healthy. Honestly, I don’t think I’m really that much hungrier than I was when I didn’t think about what I ate and just shoveled it all in. Maybe I just think now about how food affects me–that is, it makes me gain weight.

My particular problem is that if I don’t eat until I’m over-full, I don’t feel satisfied. No, let me rephrase that so it’s the Biblical definition–my problem is gluttony. It’s habit, I know, but it’s hard to break. It’s particularly hard when in certain situations, like going to an all-you-can-eat restaurant–you feel like you haven’t gotten your money’s worth if you don’t stuff yourself sick. Also, meals like Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be feasts, right? We’re supposed to chow down and eat till we can’t button our pants any more, right? Well, if we ate on a daily basis and worked on a daily basis the way the Pilgrims did, we could probably afford to feast like they did. The only problem is, I think what we eat on a daily basis is more like their special feasts. And then there’s the meals at my mom’s house–her homemade tacos and pizza–I eat like a teenager, but gain weight like an adult.

And it’s gotta stop. That’s why I’m making myself count calories, so I know how much I’ve taken in. It’s far too easy to forget that you ate something, or to minimize how much you ate: “It was just a bowl of cereal, and 1 serving size is just 130 calories!” True, but what about the fact that a bowl-full is over two servings? and you forgot the full-fat milk you poured over it! All of a sudden your “healthy snack” of 130 little calories becomes a full meal of 500 calories–that’s 5 miles you’d have to walk or run to get that extra off! Enough!

So I’m down 1000 calories per day! And it’s easy (but not fun). I feel different, too–maybe it’s my empty stomach, but I feel cleaner and lighter inside. Probably because I’m not weighed down by so much daily food–and so much extra sugar and other bad stuff I shouldn’t eat. Plus, I’m exercising again. I’ve got my old videos out, and I’m doing one or two a day! Two pounds a week looks doable for now!

Just for the sake of honesty, it’s about 9:30 in the morning right now, and my stomach is grumbling. So I’m going to go have an orange or something.

I’ve decided to lose weight, which means that I must eat less and exercise more. How much less should I eat? How much did I eat before? Well, I didn’t write it down before, so I have no clue how much less I should eat! Then I found this calorie calculator that tells me at my current weight, height, and activity level how many calories I typically eat, plus how many I should eat in order to lose one pound or two pounds per week. (Since a pound is 3500 calories, that equals out to 500 or 1000 fewer calories per day.) I could exercise more (and I need to!), but walking a mile only burns 100 calories, so it’s a lot easier to eat less than to suddenly start running 5 or 10 miles a day.

So the calculator tells me that I am currently eating about 2300 calories per day, which means I need to eat 1800 or 1300 calories to lose 1-2 pounds per week. Yikes. This means I have to actually figure up how much I’m eating and write it down (which I am actually doing today).

For breakfast, I ate a banana muffin, which I had previously made. I figured up the total # of calories in the recipe, and then divided by the number of muffins, and found out that this little bitty muffin had over 300 whoppin’ calories in it! That’s over 3 miles of calories!! Normally, I would probably eat at least two for breakfast and then a third one as a snack, but when you really equate number of calories taken in to how far you’d have to walk to get rid of it, that makes you change your priorities!

So, I’ve decided to start looking at calories in terms of how far I’d have to walk so that I wouldn’t gain weight from consuming it. A Snickers candy bar is almost 3 miles of calories; a McDonald’s “Big Breakfast” is over 7 miles; a Big Mac meal, supersized is almost 16 miles (and almost all of the calories I’d be allowed for the entire day!); my husband’s favorite fast-food meal is from Popeye’s–two chicken breasts, with red beans & rice and a biscuit, which tops out at nearly 13 miles (1280 calories, to be exact).

It can be a little difficult to figure out some foods, but not impossible; also people tend to eat the same things over and over, so you can figure that stuff out once and go from there. But it is imperative to know what a “serving size” is, because I bet that most of the time when you eat junk food, you eat a lot more than one serving size. A serving size of Santitas tortilla chips is 9 chips; Pringles is 15; that bottle of Gatorade may be 1 serving, but then again, it might be 4. Even if it’s not “junk” food, you still may be eating a lot more than a single portion size–a bowl of cereal is probably at least two portions, but you won’t know unless you measure. If you eat out a lot, you can probably get a calorie menu (I think fast food places have to have those available online, if nowhere else), and if you can’t get an official count, you can probably guestimate pretty well by finding something similar online. However, there are a lot of hidden fats used in restaurant meals that you might not use at home, so some restaurant’s rice may have several tablespoons of butter added into it, so you have to figure for that, too. If you cook most of your own foods yourself, then it’s simple (but time-consuming) to figure out the calories in a portion: just add up all of the calories for each ingredient in the recipe, then figure out what fraction of the recipe you’re eating.

Then, transfer the calories into miles, and stop before you eat and think, is this roll of Smarties really worth walking a quarter-mile? If it is, then eat up and then go walk. If it’s not, tape your mouth shut!

It’s kinda funny–my husband and I have been thinking along the same lines, but didn’t know what the other was thinking until just yesterday when he admitted that he’s been waiting for things/life to get easier before getting into shape. (He’s probably in better shape than I am, so I’m not saying anything negative about him here.) I was too, in a way. You see these shows of people who have lost a lot of weight, and you see the “before and after” pictures and say, “Wow! They look great! And it only took…..” [fill in the blank--6 months of exercise, strict dieting, whatever]. But when you actually start down that same path, all of a sudden you’re like Daffy Duck–”I can’t stand pain….it hurts me!” Watching some people on TV work out at the gym can seem so simple and easy; but occasionally you see their faces, and the pain that they endure so that they can get the results they want. But it’s harder when you’re doing it, instead of just watching it. It’s just plain hard to get on the treadmill, or do an exercise video, or get out and walk, or decline sweets or seconds. Easy to say, but hard to do. But these people do it, and you have to as well, if you want the results.

Separately, my husband and I reached the same conclusion–it’s never going to get easier, so you just have to suck it up and start. We were waiting for more time (well, we’re still at 24 hours every day, and he still has the same hours at work and the same hour-long commute); or more energy (which will only come after we are exercising regularly and eating better); or more desire (but you have to desire to hurt, in reality–to deny self so that you can be in better shape); or for it to get easier (however, it’s only going to get harder, because we’re getting less fit, more out of shape).

He has always been more faithful to work out (we have a weight set that he likes, but I don’t; and he’s been on the treadmill more frequently than I have), which sort of inspired me to get up and get going. But I was more diligent–I guess it was that “New Year’s Resolution” kind of thing–and that must have gotten to him. Whatever was the spark, we are both more determined to do better, and we are both doing better already–more consistent with working out, and also doing it longer. And you know what? It’s not easy. It will become so–or at least, easier. Ten years ago, I consistently worked out doing at least 1, usually 2 and sometimes 3 exercise videos a day. (Of course, that was before I was married and had kids, so I had more time and fewer responsibilities.) But I know that if I set my priorities, I will actually have the time to do that–and that involves giving up some time on the computer or doing something else I’d rather be doing.

When you break down 24 hours per day, and figure 8 hours for sleeping, that still leaves 16 hours a day to do everything else in. I’m a stay-at-home mom, so while I’m “on call” 24 hours a day, I can do a lot of things in just a few minutes here and a few minutes there. It takes time to do laundry, but really, how much time does it take to stuff clothes in a machine and push a couple of buttons? Then while they’re washing, I can do one of my half-hour videos, or hop on the treadmill for a while. I can plan lunch or supper while walking or working out. If I made a casserole, there would be plenty of time to do another video while it was baking. And I’d still have plenty of time to read my kids lots of stories.

Any time you add anything new to your life, there is a “learning curve.” Life was pretty easy with one child; but it got more than twice as hard with two children. For a long time, I felt like I was treading water–barely able to keep up with life most of the time, although sometimes it was more manageable. Then, gradually, I adjusted (and the kids got older), so now I feel like life is mostly manageable, and the times I feel like I’m about to slip under are few and far between. Exercise is like that. There is no magic formula to carve out an extra half-hour in the day so that you can do an extra workout. And when you do start a new regimen, so much of the time, you feel like you’re barely able to make it. But if you just stick with it, “put your hand to the plow and not look back,” eventually you will get to the point where it is easier. But it will never get any easier just by wishing.

I’m taking the day off from exercising right now. I probably shouldn’t have, but it is Sunday. Not that I’m a strict Sabbatarian or anything, but I do try to rest on Sunday–as much as any mom with two toddlers can, anyway!

Our church has morning and afternoon services on Sunday with lunch in between, so that’s always very difficult when trying to lose weight. I did better than I normally do (but I probably should have just skipped the dessert table altogether). I tried to eat the healthier things (I made a bean dip), and ate probably about half as much dessert as I usually do. Small steps.

I’m a little bummed because I don’t seem to have lost any weight; and while my goal is about a pound a week (for 50 pounds this year), I thought it would be a bit more dramatic the first week–especially since I’m actually working out, and I’m trying to eat less. But it will happen. I do need to actually write down what I eat–I’ve said I was going to do it, but haven’t done it yet. I’ll start tomorrow.